Open Letter to My Late Father

Honestly speaking the holiday season is a tough time for me. Everyone seems soo excited about this time of year, trying to spread the Christmas cheer. But my life feels like a very important piece of the puzzle is missing. My best friend has been gone for 3 years now and tomorrow is his 76th birthday. So I hop on the Christmas train by over shopping, indulging in holiday treats, keeping myself busy, and trying to be merry while inside I am still hurting from a pain that will not go away.

My Dearest Daddy,

I wish you were still here to make me laugh. I wish you were here to boss me around. I wish you were here to bug me about taking you to go check your lottery ticket at seven eleven to see if you won, even though I am tired from work and would give you a hard time. What wouldn’t I do to have one of those moments again? I miss propping my feet up on your lap for you to say in an annoyed tone “how come you don’t do that to your mother?”

I remember growing up as an only child (because of the age gap between my siblings and I are huge.) You would let me twist your hair into little tiny puff balls because you were my live doll. We would play hand games like patty cake because you were my first friend.

I remember being the first kid having a “giga pet” in my class, first of anyone I knew to have a computer, also the first of anyone I knew to have a Sega Genesis.  You definitely gave me almost everything I wanted. For that I am thankful.

I know they say you should not compare yourself to others but hey, I am human. What do you expect? It is a beautiful thing seeing other people interacting with their dads, but naturally I get jealous. I can no longer hug you, my bestest friend, talk to you, or joke with you. You will never walk me down the aisle, meet any of my future children, or even tell me everything is going to be alright when my world is seeming to spin out of control.

Thank you for all the life lessons. Thank you for showing me an example of what a man should be.

Although I miss you terribly, I understand, I cannot be selfish. Your earthly duties were completed so God called you home. I will always miss you and think of you every single day. I find comfort in knowing that although I lost you in the physical form, I gained a guardian angel in the spiritual realm. Rest in paradise my love.  And happy early birthday!

I know you would want me to live my life Be-U-tifully, by being fully me because you wanted the best for me. I try to remind myself of this every day.

Love You Forever,

Your Little Girl

Check out my previous blog post with advice on how to deal with death of a loved one here and how to deal with the holiday blues here.



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