Posted on November 5, 2017
Dear My Travel Love Companion,
I’m hiding out in the garage, contemplating…Deliberating…What should I do? Well, I have to woman up now right? Since I had sexual intercourse, I guess I’m no longer a child. You know what they say: ‘If you’re having sex, you’re grown. So I had to woman up and do this. I picked up my moping face off the garage floor and told myself it’s time to go inside. I went in and headed straight to my room. Luckily, I made it through the house without having to face my mom! Thank you Jesus! But I still cried myself to sleep that night.
My phone had been blowing up since last night non stop. My ex keeps calling. (Yep, that’s right, I broke up with him.) I went a week without speaking a word to him. That’s how upset and hurt I was. I needed some time to reflect on what had happened, what I had forever lost. I really wanted to wait! Still ashamed–I hadn’t spoken a word about this incident to another soul. I just hoped no one noticed. It’s crazy how you don’t realize just how much you live in an overly-sexualized world until you start having sex. I felt like every conversation being had around me was about sex. I tried tuning it out, but I couldn’t.
With each day apart, I missed him more. I hadn’t spoken to him for two whole weeks at this point! I wasn’t used to praying alone at night or not having a bed time song. I was miserable! We finally spoke only because he left me a VM saying that he was going to join the ARMY because he had hurt me so badly and he couldn’t imagine life without me. I couldn’t imagine life without him either, so I needed to call him back. I went in my backyard, and stood underneath my orange tree to call because I couldn’t risk anyone hearing any parts of this conversation LOL. “Hello” I said sadly. “Yeah, hello? Baby. Baby. Baby Girl. Can you hear me? I’m sorry. I miss you. I need you! I love you more than life itself. I’m going away for a while. I have to. I don’t want to live anymore…” he said with much desperation”. “I love you too. You can’t enlist and you can’t die. I will take you back–just not right now…I took him back within a few hours after that. What can I say? The heart wants what the heart wants.
Three entire months went by before I felt like I was ready to even try being intimate again. But since I’m no longer a “V” anymore and his birthday was coming up; I had to do something. So I planned to consentingly give him ME THIS TIME as a present! But I wanted to make it different. I wanted it to reflect more of my wild personality. Remember in the intro I told you that I did dual-enrollment? Well, we went to college together. So after class on August 23rd, I blindfolded him (again). I had to make a quick stop to pick up the snacks and then I drove him to…THE MOVIES lol!!! Ayee, there’s not much to do in that small town! And besides THE NOTEBOOK was one of the greatest romantic movies of all time–BOOM!!! Perfect date!!!
We held hands. We kissed gently throughout the movie. I was nervous thinking about what I was going to do next lol. About halfway through, I told him to pull his pants down. “What if someone sees” he asked hesitantly? “There’s only a couple of people spread out all over. Don’t mind them. Pretend it’s just me and you baby” I whispered in my sultry voice. I could tell the rush of doing something crazy was getting to him. “Relax love,” I whispered again as I got on my knees about to lean forward. “WAIT BABY WAIT,” he halted me. “What’s wrong? You don’t like this? I read in some article that men like this.” I said bewildered as I was about to get up off this nasty theater floor.
“Nooo, no, no, no! Stay” he said softly while stopping me in my tracks. He continued, “I really do like that. It’s just that I want to make sure you’re ready this time. Are you ready because I have no problem waiting for you?” “I’m ready, baby! I’m ready. Happy Birthday” I muttered with a mouthful ?. Well, that came naturally, I thought as I dusted my knees off. Now next step was sitting on the pony, which then led to us laying on the dirty theater floor together. “Now that’s more like a first time baby,” I said. “I enjoyed the thrill of it all! You know, possibly getting caught with the man I love!” I exclaimed as we floated out of the theater. He had no words–still in awe of the moment–riding the cloud. The big, contagious smile on his face told me all I needed to know!
We jumped into his baby-blue Buick (our favorite color) as we headed to dinner. And at the stop lights; we had our “thing” that we did. We would bring our faces close & share Eskimo kisses & ILoveYous. Well this time, we actually kissed while waiting at the light. I guess my lips were so heavenly & he was still “feeling our moment” that he forgot that he was driving here on earth, and took his foot off the brake and BOOM!¡! we hit the car in front of us lolol. No worries, it was just a minor scratch so they let us go (thank God) and we were back on our way. It’s like the love angels were protecting us.
By October, we were newly engaged. Look at the picture above. See the rings? He took me to the beach where he proposed to me! I said yes ofc. I wish we could have just wed at the moment. Where’s a priest when you need one lol. But it was beautiful. My hair was blowing in the autumn wind. He was on one knee in the cool sand. The waves were slow-dancing to our favorite love song and the moon just witnessed it all. I was convinced that at that very moment this was the greatest place to be with the greatest man on the entire planet.
We made the most of our engagement! We went to Halloween Horror Nights with our bffs for a field trip. One of us came up with the goofiest idea to cut through these lines–so we tried it. And it worked! Once he proposed, all the white people were clapping and congratulating us. They immediately bumped us to the front of the line ??. He kept re-proposing over and over! One of those times, a group of people picked us up. I felt like we were in a mosh pit being moved along to the front of the line lol. Ohh what a night. I was so high on love, I think I “lifted” a BIG Scooby Doo stuffed animal that I surprised him with. And yes, he still has it ?.
I was going out some Friday nights after work, while my parents were at “Midnight Cry” at the church. Once in a blue moon, prayer would get out early–which is what happened the night I got into it with my dad and decided to join the National Guard. Just so much friction & upset because my ex was honestly a good dude–still is! And my father would have seen that if he’d just given him a chance. But hold up! It wasn’t just my dad. There was some shade coming from his side too.
His mom had a problem with me. Her only son wasn’t around much anymore. He was spending time with me and she didn’t like that. She felt like she was being replaced. Maybe she was, but she should have just been happy for him finding his “good thing”. Till this day, she still thinks I put “the roots” on him just because he was so enamoured with me. So mesmerized and so devotedly in love…with me. FYI: Just cause I’m Haitian don’t mean I do voodoo lady! Like seriously? Maybe he was so in love with this good………….this good, strong woman that I was becoming! How bout that (in my Cardi B voice lol).
She threatened him to leave me, so he moved out in the name of love! He was living with a friend. I wanted to just stay the night with him ONE TIME. You know, wake up to the kiss of sunlight on our faces, holding each other close, exchanging ILoveU’s with morning breath–sealed with a kiss–eating breakfast together for the first time. I wanted that moment together sooo bad that I lied to my parents and told them that I had another military meeting in Miami, just to wake up to him. We had the weekend planned out & it started with a newly released movie in theaters.
We’re at the movies, in a different city cause we wanted to keep a low profile. Tickets bought, snacks in hand, sitting in the theater room. I felt a chill and realized I had left my sweater in the car. I asked him to go get it. But wait baby, I’ll miss you! Let me come with, I said all sprung I guess. I waited for him right outside the building and watched him run right passed my father. Holy, holy….Spirit of God!! He didn’t even notice it until a few seconds later. That’s when he looked back like he had just saw a ghost!
“Dad? What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be in prayer at the church?” I asked looking at my watch! “Get in the car NOW” my father yelled! “What the hell are YOU doing here?” he kept shouting. (I promise if I was still getting beatings, he would have pulled out the back end of the belt that night he was so enraged!) “I’m about to watch a movie with (oops I almost wrote his name ?),” I said as I looked at SOS, who’s jaw was still touching the floor. “Come home now! Get your butttt in the car and I won’t tell you again. Get in or move the hell out of my house!” he screamed as he slid open the side mini van door.
Soooo…Did I stay or did I go? Find out Wednesday! Merci encore mon amour for sharing in my love journey! I ❤ you for reading. To all my survivors out there: KEEP ON SURVIVING! PLEASE don’t forget to like, share & leave a comment below of your first love experience.
Remember, while we still have life; let us not merely exist–but instead, L.I.V.E.