Posted on October 4, 2017
Well, for one, I won’t be calling you “Reader” anymore. We’re a little more than that now. We’ve been on this journey together for about two weeks so I guess we’re “talking” or if you want me to say it more fancifully–“Nap Koze” lol. Besides, I wouldn’t feel comfortable just sharing this chapter to a stranger. Its too deep. This experience involves extended family, so it’s also sensitive. I will handle this with much delicacy as to protect those close to me. With that said, put on your backpack travelmate, because it’s time to get back on the road.
So enveryone goes to their aunt & uncles’ house to visit, right? You go over to see them and to play with your cousins. Your parents might need them to watch you & your siblings a few days during the week since schools out. Or maybe, you wanted to spend the night because you wanted to do something–anything besides staying home. Well, that’s why I was over there. I wanted to sleep at my aunt’s house because she was fun. She bought me things. She had a nice job making decent money. A little girl could use some spoiling from time to time. And she gave me just that.
It was a Saturday late morning, and my aunt had to run a few errands, so she left me home with my uncle. (Don’t ask where everyone else was because I don’t recall. My memory is scant. I do; however, know that this took place after the sexual assault by the twins. And besides, I was like 7 and I had buried this for a longtime).
Back to this late Saturday morning. So it’s just us and he calls me into the open den area connected to the house. He puts on some music and makes me start dancing with him. But this dance is pretty close right now. There’s no space between us. I felt something hard pressing on me from down there. Is it weird to say that I knew he liked me? He always flirted with me, especially when my aunt wasn’t nearby. That’s why I hated being around him alone. So we’re dancing and he’s kissing on my neck. That’s when I confirmed in my gut that things weren’t right. He starts licking and sucking on my ear. I was cringing and I pulled away and asked him why he was doing that. He told me it was because I was pretty and he loved me. “You’re so smart and you’re my favorite one.” he told me as he tightly guided my hand down his nasty chest.
He picked me up and sat me right in his lap. That’s when he started touching me. Caressing my thighs so passionately. It was obvious that touching little girls did something to him. It did more than just turn him on. It’s like he was possessed or something. He was on a high. Till this day, I never understood why he needed to prey on little girls. His wife had a phat azzz, large succulent breast and they had a VERY ACTIVE SEX LIFE. I know cause I walked in on them a few times. But maybe that wasn’t enough. Maybe he had an insatiable appetite. I guess that’s why he kept going. Touching my sweet little face, stroking my back, and touching my flat chest. Now he’s back to nibbling on my ear. This time he stuck his nasty wet tongue in my right ear. This visceral reaction is indescribable! Ewwwww!
I felt my stomach turning. This wasn’t right, but I was too scared to speak up, so I went with it. He picked me up facing him. I’m still fully clothed and he’s wearing no shirt. It wasn’t until he started touching my jewel and grinding it vigorously against his manhood, (dry humping or hunching I guess) that i thought ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! “Put me down NOW” I screamed!! This isn’t right! If you don’t stop, I will tell my dad on you. “Why baby” he uttered. “Because I don’t think you should be touching me like this” I responded, “I don’t like this”. “I’m going to call my dad right now”. He put me down and then he sat down again, starring at me, trying to feel me out. This was the first time he’s ever went this far with me and this was the first time I was speaking up against it.
God stepped in at the right time, because He sent my aunt back home! So my uncle had no choice but to stop. Even then, I knew I made a lasting impression because he was convinced that I would go tell my father and he didn’t want those kind of problems! Pedophiles and molesters are sick but never want to be exposed! I know some of you may be dubious of God’s divine intervention. If God was there, why would he even allow this to happen? Is that what you’re thinking? I know. I questioned God about that for a long time too. Why me? I was so young. But the bible tells us that not all evil comes from God. And even when evil is present, God is always there to strengthen us. He promises us that we will overcome. That we will triumph and conquer. That’s why I’m able to write to you now. My strength and boldness is not of myself–I wouldn’t be able to do this alone. Heck NO! But because I have overcome this hurt and evil, I am able to share my truths in hopes of offering encouragement and support to others facing these situations.
How has this effected my childhood? I wanted to be desired by all men growing up. If a man didn’t find me attractive or want me, I was offended. I would be on a mission to change his mind. I was so used to getting all that attention since I was younger, that I felt like I always had to have it or something was wrong with me. Trust me, as I aged, and your girl’s body started developing, I didn’t have to work too hard because it started coming so naturally. I think I started getting concerned when married men & men from all positions in ministry where willing to jeopardize it all just to sleep with me. That’s when I started thinking that I had a curse on me or something. But we’ll explore this “black girl magic” in the future.
This is a good place to stop for today, but let me share this last thing. Honestly, I wish I would have actually told my father because two other little girls that are close to me turned out to be victims too. PARENTS, SIBLINGS, FAMILY MEMBERS: PLEASE TAKE THE TIME TODAY TO TALK TO YOUR CHILDREN ABOUT SEXUAL ABUSE & MOLESTATION. Show them where no one is supposed to touch them. Educate them on physical gestures of affection that are inappropriate like tight hugs pressing private areas together, kissing, licking, sucking, etc. My mother had these talks with me, but I’m sure in some other instances, this can be prevented. If you even need support, I’m here for you and most importantly, God is here for you! Please click on my previous blog for my information on outside support too! http://yesherestherj.com/her-truth-to-tell-part-1/
I ❤ you so much for reading. To all my survivors out there, KEEP ON SURVIVING! PLEASE don’t forget to like, share & leave a comment ❤.
Remember, while we still have life; let us not merely exist–but instead, L.I.V.E.